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I accepted abuse as love because of how I was raised
2020.09.24 21:41 12HLEOI accepted abuse as love because of how I was raised
Hi everyone Reason for sharing my experience is cause honestly if it weren't for me googling random questions about my relationships and my behaviors/patterns/emotions and being redirected to reddit and finding people to relate to then I would've probably gone insane by now. My N-mother and I have a very complicated relationship. While she and my dad have done everything in their power to make sure my sister and I grow up in a house, on the countryside and with manners, they sadly completely disregarded the emotional aspects of raising children. I do understand where this is coming from; My mom and dad both grew up with N-Parents; yet I have a hard time dealing with especially my moms ignorance when it comes to her actions. She says she has worked on herself very hard so she's not like her mom, sadly, the older she gets the more similar she becomes, without realizing it. My sister and I are both emotional wrecks. For years we have been depressed and whenever we've expressed said feelings we were labeled LAZY, disrespectful and ungrateful. Honestly, we used to be dream children. We were great in school, very polite and did whatever our parents expected from us. We barely fought, are very well behaved and they never had REAL problems with us. Yet my sister and I grew up thinking we're the abolute worst human beings ever, ugly, stupid, always making trouble, ungrateful and just all in all pieces of shit. My mom used to nag all day long about little shit that never really mattered. Like a little WATER STAIN on the bathroom mirror or some shit like that. I remember her once slapping my little sister so hard OVER A MARK (Swiss System worst1-6best; 4,5) she started bleeding from the nose and while my mom kept screaming I made sure she's safe and cleaned her up. We were like 10 and 13. So both of us grew up thinking we're not enough and basically unable to do the right thing. Both anxious and depressed we wandered out into the world. And while at home everything was played "fine" both of us knew we had to get out. When I turned 19 I met a guy who was 1.5y younger than me. We instantly clicked and after a week I already felt like this was the love of my life and so did he. 3 months in the fassade he put on started to tumble down and he started treating me quite badly. And here's where it gets real fucking interesting: I accepted however I was treated because I felt I deserved all this. I felt like I had to work on myself SO MUCH, had such little trust in myself that I felt like he had to be right, every nag and insult is justified. Additionally I felt like I had nowhere to go back to. We were on and off for the coming 2 years and I just kept running back to the same man who emotionally, verbally and physically abused me over and over again, more intensely time by time. He played mind games, was gaslighting me, held a knife to my throat, threatened to kill me multiple times, spat in my face and ripped my sweater off my chest. I accepted. I forgave. Without getting any type of apology. It's what I knew. I have a blackout of most of the time I spent in the relationship, I guess that's a trauma respone or some shit but anyways, after 2.5y the fog finally cleared up and I saw the situation for what it was: The way I was raised led me to believe I deserved to be treated like shit. It made me the perfect target. The way I was raised and the "love" I received from my mother was exactly what I was unconsciously looking for in a partner. It's what I understood love to be. So that's what I accepted. I have to admit from this point on dealing with my issues felt rather relieving than anything else. I was relieved that I finally understood what I was going through, what I can do about it and that I'm certainly not alone. I always loved bettering myself as this felt like the road to PEACE, yet when I look back it was more some sort of "people-pleasing" which hasn't gotten me far. When I left my ex tho, it felt different. I went back to my parent's house and at first they were just happy that I finally left this dude. So they left me alone for a few days. At this point I was no longer trying to please no one, actually, I stopped giving a shit altogether and started my self-love journey. A lot of meditation, self hypnosis and isolation. It started to get rocky 2 weeks in when my mom was already used to me being back in the house, started nagging again and I started having anger issues. One fight ended with my sister and I getting kicked out because I beat my mom. Hear me out We had an argument, she provoked me and when I snapped she said I deserved everything I went through with my ex, that she understands why he treated me this way and that I'm a worthless piece of shit. I lost it. I completely lost it, kicked her (not hard.) to the ground and as she started whining I couldn't help but just walk away. I knew where it was coming from but I simply couldn't help bursting out in flames (Leo/Leo) when I heard said words. This still hurts to this day. The woman who set me up for an abusive relationship telling me I deserved everything I went through. This really killed every ounce of respect I had for this woman. I've since learned to deal with this somehow, I smoke a lotta weed, have been smoking everyday for 5yrs straight and somehow I function pretty well again. She's still nagging and provoking me whenever she feels unhappy somehow, so basically projecting her bullshit on to me, but I learned to deal with it. I still get loud after I tell her to leave me alone nicely 10 times in a row. But I get better at it everyday. I currently find myself in a very loving relationship with a very understanding and amazing person who really shows me, every single day, what truly loving someone means. He teaches me the most simple things but I am so deeply grateful for his patience and love. The first 3 months felt very uncomfortable. Alotta memories creeping up and I almost sabotaged the relationship until I told myself to completely cut cords with past energies. He doesn't know much about what I went through yet just because it's really hard for me to speak on my past bc people never give me the ear I need. He still tries his absolute best to understand me and respects me enough to not put any pressure on me. Today she completely embarrassed me in front of him and I'm just glad that he saw through her lies and understands me. The next step will be moving out. I just want you to know you can do this. I wanted to kms multiple times cause the hurt was too bad. But here I am. I hope someone finally heard me out by reading this.
2020.08.20 04:18 BladeStudiosI Watched Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. for the First Time (Season 7)
Welcome everybody to my reactions and review of the final season of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.! Click these links if you'd like to read my thoughts on Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. Before heading into Season 7, I was told by multiple people that I should watch Agent Carter, so I did! Seasons 1 and 2. We're finally here. It's the end of AoS. Some of you have been watching since 2013 and others are like me that hopped on at the very end. It's been a ride and I got some thoughts on this final season and the show overall! Let's get into it!
Real-time, Episode-by-Episode Thoughts
Quick Character Thoughts
Ranking Every Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season
The Very Best of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
SPOILERS for Season 7 are included in this post without censorship. Do not scroll down if you haven't watched it yet.
"As I have always been." Real-time, Episode-by-Episode Thoughts
"The New Deal" - Episode 1
I LOVE that title card!
ELENA GETS NEW ARMS!
"It's you, a trusted officer of the law." "As I have always been." *starts choking Zeke*
DUDE, DID THEY JUST DO THE "ALWAYS HAS BEEN" ASTRONAUT MEME?!
Lmfao Patton Oswalt! Yes!
"I don't want another interruption out of you. You or your shadow." YOOOO. CASUAL RACISM IS IN FULL GEAR!
OH SHIT! The Chronicoms are going to stop S.H.I.E.L.D. from the very beginning by killing FDR! This is wild!
haha FDR finessing people by walking. This is fun! I mean, not FDR having polio, but you know.
FREDDIE IS A MALICK! YOOO
TO SAVE S.H.I.E.L.D., THEY HAVE TO SAVE HYDRA! HOLY SHIT!
"Know Your Onions" - Episode 2
They're out here humanizing Malick's dad.
"I need to be in the field. I'm the one who protects them. It's my job." YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT IS, MAY, AND YOU'RE GREAT AT IT!
I'm a bit confused on why Mack is so determined to find out what's in the bottles.
OHHHH ENOCH VS. MAY! LET'S GO!
"A machine is still just a machine." "No need to make this personal." I don't know why May had to go for the throat like that. This is Fitz's best friend we're talking about.
YOOOOO MAY JUST HIT A SUPERMAN PUNCH!
Ah, fuck, man. Last season made me love Daisy. Now she's telling Deke to shoot Freddie. It feels like she's taking a step back in her progress as a character. This is a stupid decision. I would've rather seen Mack make the call than Daisy.
Yo, I hope to all that is good that they bring Patton Oswalt to the present with them. It'd be really funny to see Koenig lose his damn mind. A funny bit that instantly comes to mind is that he disappears for a while, returns, the teams asks where he's been and he says he was watching something called Star Wars.
NAHHH. FREDDIE SHOT PATTON. NAH! FUCK. THIS. GUY. Let's have the rest of the series be the team jumping through time and killing each member of the Malick family, obviously from newest to oldest. You don't shoot Patton Oswalt and not have your entire family murdered. Sorry, I don't make the rules.
"Alien Commies from the Future!" - Episode 3
Whoa. First the "Always has been" meme and now they're raiding Area 51?!
I love that this show does alternate title cards depending on the theme of the episode. I hope that at least for the series finale, we get the original card from Season 1.
We're in the 1950s now, cool!
Looking back, this show has pretty much done everything, hasn't it? Did the whole S.H.I.E.L.D. and superhero dynamic from the MCU. Then went into Inhumans, traveled to a completely different planet, which caused an alien to come to Earth and attempt to create an army of manufactured Inhumans. Witnessed robots trying to take over the world. We went into a virtual reality and explored the real-life effects of it. Time traveled 70 years into the future. Returned to the present. Explored the Multiverse theory. Went back in time to the '30s and now '50s, and we still have over 10 episodes left. This show has pretty much done it all.
First in the '30s and now '50s. I hope we get an Agent Carter cameo or reference at least. Maybe bump into Jarvis. ANYTHING!
Waitress at the restaurant gives Mack a dirty look. Listen, I’m not saying racism is funny, but in this context, it is absolutely hilarious. It’s funny and so sad. People really used to (and some still do) act like this to people with different colored skin. The entire concept has always been so ridiculous to me and seeing it happen so passive aggressively in the show just makes me laugh. I wonder if Mack’s going to hit a breaking point and jeopardize the mission somehow.
I miss Bobbi and Hunter. Really hoping for one last appearance from them. Even if there isn't, I won't be upset. Bobbi got a beautiful sendoff and Hunter's return in Season 5 was fun.
I also wish Ward could make a cameo somehow. Don’t get me wrong, Coulson crushing his chest on a distant planet was an epic sendoff, but if we can have 4 incarnations of Coulson (Prime, Framework, Sarge, LMD), I feel like we could do the same for Ward.
HOLY SHIT! JEMMA IS POSING AT PEGGY CARTER! IS IT HAPPENING?
SOUSA! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME????? OH MY GOD!
Peggy Carter’s “old partner”? WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED????
Sousa and Jemma. Yo. This is wild.
Peggy has to show up, right? RIGHT?!
Hahaha Mack and Deke frame themselves as aliens. You love to see it.
"Out of the Past" - Episode 4
Enoch’s been a bartender for 20 years hahaha I love it.
“You may proceed with your saga of struggle.”
This is 100% going to be a regular saying in my everyday vocabulary now.
May is acting REALLY weird! Smiling...and Coulson is nowhere around? Something’s up.
OH MY GOD, IS THAT FITZ???
Haha Sousa’s a smart man. Knew about Hydra infiltrating S.H.I.E.L.D. half a century before everyone else.
Oh, whew! It’s not Fitz. It’s Freddie Malick. Sure looked like Fitz at first.
The team is doing Enoch dirty, man. I hate this. He’s so sad!
HOLY SHIT. MAY CAN SENSE EMOTIONS!
YOOOO IS SOUSA ON THE TEAM FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON????
DAMN RIGHT HE IS!
"A Trout in the Milk" - Episode 5
They have an ‘70s stylized intro. I love it! This is the only time the actor's names have been said in the show, right?
...since when was Iain De Caestecker’s name not in the credits? Has it not been this whole season?
THEY GOT PATRICK WARBURTON BACK!
OHHH SHIT PROJECT INSIGHT.
I am LOVING this season.
GIDDEON. HOLY SHIT
Simmons isn’t a Chronicom, right? Right?!
Let Sousa have his goodbye with Peggy! Bring her in, you cowards!
I am living for these AoS theme song remixes
"Adapt or Die" - Episode 6
Damn, dude. Mack’s parents are Chronicoms, aren’t they? Had a feeling about it since the start.
"The Totally Excellent Adventures of Mack and The D" - Episode 7
Deke has a band lmfao. Of course he's stealing music!
“Didn’t you tell me that dude was shady?” “Yeah, but that was before I found out he had a steady job.” “Doing what?” “Selling coke.” lmfao.
So, all of us are Chang Gang stans, right?
YOOO, DEKE AND MACK DID THE MEME! MACK, YOU SON OF A BITCH! They even zoomed in on their hands haha this show is incredible.
Again, these theme song remixes are fantastic!
"After, Before" - Episode 8
These title cards are amazing.
Jiaying is back! This is wild!
This girl was really about to kill herself before Nathaniel showed up. Damn!
"As I Have Always Been" - Episode 9
A time loop????
Ahhh they even repeated the title card!!! This show fucking rules, dude.
DIRECTED BY ELIZABETH HENSTRIDGE??????
“Repeating the same events over and over again? How long did it take you to figure it out this time?” YOOOO HOLY SHIT. MY JAW JUST DROPPED
Coulson has had enough of Daisy lmfao
Wow. This is nuts. They really let Elizabeth direct what might be the most complex episode of the entire series, at least on a technical standpoint.
Yo. yo. Yoyoyoyoyo if we end up getting Sousa and Daisy kissing, I really do not know how I’ll feel about it.
Update: They kissed and call me crazy, but I’m not against it. It makes sense. Fuck it. I stan this relationship even though IT’S COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BATSHIT INSANE LMFAO THIS SHOW IS WILD. Sousa got with Peggy AND Daisy?
Don’t do this to me. ENOCH!
Man, they’re about to make me cry. HE DIDN’T EVEN GIVE IT A SECOND THOUGHT!
Okay, I didn't cry. Whew! I would have if Fitz was there with them. That would've messed me up completely.
"Stolen" - Episode 10
JOHN GARRETT. HOLY SHIT!
Wow, Daisy. Sousa hits you with a “I Like Ike” reference and you don’t even get it.
It’s crazy how much the guy that plays young Garrett looks, acts and talks like his older counterpart.
Turns out it's Bill's son. That makes a ton of sense. This guy is nailing the role to perfection.
Dude, I’m kind of loving how Daisy’s mom is getting a little bit of redemption.
I know it’s very unlikely by this point, but I’m still holding out hope for a final appearance from Bobbi, Hunter and Ward.
I honestly love how this show found a way to use both of the Malick brothers, plus their father.
Speaking of fathers, since we got Daisy’s mom back, can we get one last outing for the boy Cal? Please!
YOOOO. WE GOING TO SEE FITZ????
I’m assuming the actor that plays Fitz had some other project he was working on that didn’t allow him to be a main cast member this season.
"Brand New Day" - Episode 11
Another great title card! I still really, really want them to go back to the original for the final episode.
Nathaniel is a really cool character. He’s very intriguing and the actor’s portrayal is great.
He just slapped Simmons. Fuck him. Kill this dude.
Bro, I’m still not over this whole Daisy and Sousa thing. It’s so weird. I love it.
Fuck dude. Mack was such a good choice to make the Director. He fits the role very well.
Daisy, Sousa and Mack going into space is a pretty cool sequence…...So, you’re telling me the Earth isn’t flat?! Could’ve fooled m--well, not me, but some people. Hey, are there any Flat-Earthers reading this right now? If so, you probably got very upset when Thanos threw a round planet at Iron Man...or is it just Earth specifically that’s flat? I should probably keep watching the episode now.
Yo. We got Daisy, her sister and May. 3 Asian women. A Black man that’s respected in a leadership position. We really out here, aren’t we? You love to see it.
If you were watching this show back when it started, I have a question: Did you guys know that Skye would become Daisy Johnson? Was that a surprise when the Inhuman stuff and her name came up or was it understood from the series premiere that she’d eventually turn into her?
LMFAO man seriously, this Daisy and Sousa stuff is wild. Are they really about to leave and be together at the end? That’s so crazy and I am about this life 100%. What a damn show. Steve went back in time to be with Peggy and Daisy pulled Sousa out of time and might end up with him.
The Malick leitmotif is so good!
For all of the love that I have for this show, I am a bit disappointed with the Coulson and May relationship. What we got in Season 5 was really good, but I would’ve liked more.
OH FUCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK! GRANT WART MENTION! IT MIGHT HAPPEN! IT MIGHT HAPPEN! He’s probably a baby/kid at the moment though, right? It’s not the same, but I’ll take what I can get.
“You’re not against killing kids.” YOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME AT MAY LIKE THIS!
I very much enjoyed how the scene that has this intense conversation between Mack and Sousa about how Daisy’s been hurt and how she’s ready to open up again, just ends with them roasting her superhero name. Quake is a stupid name.
JEMMA FORGOT WHO FITZ IS. Legit jaw-dropper! We're in the endgame now!
For the final 2 episodes, I was able to participate in the live discussions over onshield**. That's not really crucial information when it comes to this post, but the comments I made over there are more instant reactions, so if you're interested in that, they're over there.**
"The End Is at Hand" - Episode 12
Damn. May can feel all the lives killed on those bases.
I’ve learned that Nathaniel isn’t a very well liked character. I don’t feel the same. I’ve enjoyed his inclusion a lot.
Deke’s impression of Fitz was absolutely insane!
“Turns out I can speak fax. This isn’t fax.” Coulson is still hilarious.
Sousa kisses Daisy. *growl*
Lmfao Nathaniel basically told Garret to fuck off. Duh!
“We are here to take your faces.” OH! WELL, HELLO! YES. COME ON IN. WE’D LOVE TO GIVE YOU OUR FACES.
They really out here redeeming people, huh? Not mad at it. NOW GIVE ME WARD.
0-8-4!!!!! I bet it’s Fitz.
HOLY SHIT. GARRETT GOT SHOT RIGHT IN THE HEAD.
Dude. What if the guy who shot Garrett is Gonzalez from Season 2???
AGENT HAND! HOLY SHIT!
Ha! "The End Is at Hand." I get it!
YOOOOO. ENOCH’S RESPONSIBLE FOR BRINGING FITZ BACK!
FUCK! JEMMA PUSHES HIM AWAY!
"What We're Fighting For" - Episode 13
Oh shit! Everything went wrong!
“Danny Boy here is still impressed by a lightbulb.”
Deke is staying behind. I love it. He came so far since complaining about not wanting to be the sacrifice.
Deke interrupting Sousa may be the best Deke moment on the show...and that's saying something.
All Deke wants is for Daisy to be happy and she didn't give him the time of day. Tragic.
DEKE IS THE NEW HEAD OF SHIELD? LMFAOOOOO AMAZING!
THE QUANTUM REALM!
HOLY SHIT. FITZ!
YOOOO. THEY’RE BACK IN THE "ORIGINAL" TIMELINE????
"Original" meaning the one at the end of Season 5, not the main MCU one.
IZEL IS BACK. THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
Coulson is kidnapped! Dude, May might have to take him out, huh?
JEMMA, WHAT ARE WE FIGHTING FOR?
MAY CALLED HERSELF THE CAVALRY. YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
"We're not giving them orders. We're giving them empathy." HOLY FUCK!
“Friends or enemies?” "Friends, as we have always been." YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
DAVIS! OH MY GOD!
COULSON ACADEMY! MY HEART!
DUDE. THE ENDING MIRRORS THE ENDING OF THE VERY FIRST EPISODE!
Quick Character Thoughts
Phil Coulson was great! It was the classic Coulson comedy. I wish he and May had more scenes together though.
Melinda May was awesome! I love how they gave the character that shows the least emotion the power to feel and express them.
Daisy Johnson was great! That order to kill Malick was pretty stupid, but other than that, she was great! Blows my mind that this show was supposed to end after Season 5. 6 and 7 are her best.
Fitz's return was epic and him explaining the time travel/quantum realm stuff completely boggled my mind while watching it live. It was a very clever way to write him out of the show.
Simmons, as always, was a highlight. Her performance was spectacular.
Mack was really good! The character came a long way since Season 2. What a character arc.
Yo-Yo was good this season. Like I said in my Season 6 post, I'm not much of a fan of the character, but I liked her in this one.
Deke was simply phenomenal yet again. I like to imagine that he's in his alternate timeline and having people call him Nick Fury.
Enoch was amazing, as he has always been. A bit disappointed that Fitz wasn't there when he died, but I understand they couldn't do that under the circumstances.
Freddie Malick was cool! I liked how I bought into the idea that maybe he wasn't such a bad guy, and then I was completely wrong.
Daniel Sousa was a very nice surprise. Glad I was told to watch Agent Carter beforehand. Crazy how he showed up and was apart of the cast for the rest of the show.
Sibyl was cool!
Nathaniel Malick was really good! I personally enjoyed how this show has dealt with various different threats and villains, and on their final mission, they stumble across holding this kid hostage, leading to him seeing Daisy's powers, and results in this immature dude being obsessed with obtaining powers.
Kora was really good as well! I liked her for similar reasons as I do Nathaniel. She was just a kid that didn't know what the hell she was doing, who she was, or who to believe, and then got wrapped up in everything.
Ernest Koenig was hilarious! I'm glad Patton Oswalt was able to return.
Jiaying was a fantastic surprise! I love how she was sort of redeemed.
John Garrett was really good! I love how he was just "yeah man!" the entire time.
Final Thoughts This is my favorite season of the show. Apart from small things like the lack of Coulson and May's relationship, all of the characters were at their apex this season, and the plot and settings were on point. I abolutely adore this season. Again, it's crazy how Season 5 was supposed to be their last. The last 2 seasons has been their best, for me at least. I somehow now like Daisy and Yo-Yo! If this show ended at Season 5, that would not be the case whatsoever. This show has been incredible and I'm beating myself up for waiting so long to watch it, but on the other hand, it was cool to go through it all and not have to wait. Ranking Every Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season 7 > 6 > 4 > 3 > 1 > 2 > 5 The Very Best of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. I thought that since it's the end of the show, and I've been doing these posts as I've gone through the series, I'd do some "highlights" or "best moments" from each season. The links to each respective season is at the top of this post if you want to go deeper into my thoughts and reactions. SEASON 1 Best Moment: The whole Hydra takeover was amazing. Favorite Characters: Fitzsimmons Best Episode: "End of the Beginning" SEASON 2 Best Moment: Coulson being revealed as the person behind T.A.H.I.T.I. was wild! Favorite Characters: Fitzsimmons and Melinda May Best Episode: "Who You Really Are" SEASON 3 Best Moment: Spy's Goodbye Favorite Characters: Phil Coulson, Bobbi and Hunter & Fitzsimmons Best Episodes: "Closure" and "Parting Shot" SEASON 4 Best Moment: When Aida and the team leave the Framework and she has feelings and powers and just causes chaos. Favorite Characters: Aida/Madame Hydra, Fitzsimmons & Coulson and May Best Episode: "Self Control" and "World's End" SEASON 5 Best Moment: Fitzsimmons' wedding and Coulson & May in Tahiti Favorite Characters: Hunter, Fitzsimmons Best Episodes: "Rewind" and "Rise and Shine" SEASON 6 Best Moment: Fitz/Enoch and Daisy/Jemma in "Fear and Loathing on the Planet of Kitson" was amazing. Izel taking over the team's bodies in "Leap" was amazing as well! Favorite Characters: Daisy, Fitzsimmons, and Deke Best Episodes: "Fear and Loathing on the Planet of Kitson", "Inescapable" and "Leap" SEASON 7 Best Moments: Everything Favorite Characters: Everyone Best Episodes: All of them Thank you guys for welcoming me with open arms upon my very late arrival to the fandom. It's been a blast posting these and am glad that you've enjoyed them. "All right. Here's to us, who's like us, damn few."
2020.01.29 05:54 Mr_BluePants13My Top Mario and Luigi Games
So first I'll start by saying that I haven't played Paper Jam, so I don't really have an opinion on the game; and also, I think I'm like 1/3 of the way with Partners In Time and so far I love the game. Al right, to the list! 3- Superstar Saga: This is not a game I dislike, I abolutely love it, soundtrack, artstyle, story, it's lovely (finished the remake, got halfway through with the og before my copy got busted). However, honestly I felt it was a bit short and some parts with combat felt a tad tidious, specially in Bowletta's Castle. 2- Bowsers Inside Story: What an increible game, honestly my pros would be the same, amazing music, an even better Story and writting, my only gripe would be that I had a problem and got stuck in some parts. 1- Dream Team: It May come as a surprise to some so let me explain. Yeah I heard the criticism, too long, tedious tutorials and what not, bit honestly I absolutely love this game to pieces, imo this has probably the best soundtrack of the series, great character, and the whole dream mechanic I fell in love with. Oh and also the way they portray Luigi is my favorite next to Luigi's Mansion, and also the way they show his deeper relationship with Mario. So that was my list, what do you guys think? And of you want you can post YOUR list down bellow.
I'm very much interested in anything that might help me get a better insight about personality, motivation etc. of myself and other people, so naturally I'm a big fan of the colour pie! Very curious what I'll get from you guys. Please also keep in my that my first language isn't english, so if you find any mistakes you are free to keep them. As I'm someone who usually spends to much time thinking and planing a text, I decided to try to focus on the things that come to my mind first. But I doubt that'll save us all from a wall of text. Edit: I'm amazed how I managed to make everything so long and detailed again. What can you tell us about your goals and dreams? What motivates you to pursue them and how exactly do you do it? What is keeping you breathing? I believe my greatest goal is to have a comfortable but also meaningful life. I'm a rather lazy person with hedonistic tendencies, but I believe that I have to work and improve myself to be able sustain my wish and need for pleasure and fun, while also not having a monotonic and boring life. My biggest motivation is that if I won't constantly push myself out of my comfort zone, I'll stay in the status quo I'm in right now. And while it's not a bad life, it can be so much more. Kinda sounds very ambitious, it's not like I'm pushing myself very much every day, it's mostly small steps into the right direction that I'm taking. While it sounds a little bit edgy, I think life itself keeps me breathing. I've only one life and I want to make the best of it while also being able to live it like I want to. Tell us a little bit about yourself and your personality. How do you act, and what is important to you aside your goals? I'm probably not nearly as ambitious as I sounded in the top part heh. While I believe that there is only one way in life, forward, I'm not some disciplined improvement machine, but I believe that a person should always strive to improve oneself. I'd say that because of that I'm rather critical of myself and down to earth, being aware of my many flaws. I try to ask friends and colleagues from time to time for honest criticism, because only so I can truly notice my mistakes. Overall I'd describe myself as a fun and interesting guy, though I've the feeling one might think I'm kinda boring after reading this wall of text hehe. I abolutely love humour, especially witty jokes and horrible puns. I enjoy spending time with friends, going out (though I'm not much of a clubber) gaming, watching movies and series and so on, the usual hobbies nowadays. I'm a very curious person (often too nosy for my own well being), motivated by knowledge for the sake of knowledge itself and getting better at understanding the world and it's phenomens, people etc. I'd describe myself as an ambivert, though I'm trying to get out of myself and become more extroverted. Deep down I'm a selfish person, I struggled years to accept this fact about me, when anything happens my first thoughts are about my own well-being and interests. I'm also not the most empathic person, not a block of ice either, but this doesn't mean ofc that I'm an asshole or bad person (I hope at least hehe), I obviously care about friends, loved ones and people that I like and I enjoy helping them. Egoistic Altruism is a philosphy I enjoy very much. I asked a friend of mine to describe me in a few sentences: "You're a very direct person, who tries his best to be empathic. You've an opinion on every topic but you enjoy listening to opposing views and are trying to understand them." What are you looking for in a partner or friend? Which is to say, what aspects of humanity do you value the most about humanity? Mostly I'm looking for a partner who is compatible to me and with whom I could build a meaningful relationship. I could ofc write a whole paragraph about how I imagine my perfect girlfriend, but in the end it's very unlikely that I will find someone who will fit all of my preferences. Because of that I think the most important aspects for me would be that the person would be willing to fully commit to a stable relationship, would put work into it and be ready for compromises for the good of the relationship. What I value most about humanity, is that while life is suffering in many different shades and facets, people still find the energy and time to do great and benevolent things. Even though I'm not a big believer in the innate goodness of people (I'm rather distrustful to be honest), social justice and living your own life for others, I believe the world could be a better place if people would at least try to understand that other people see the world differently than they do, would adopt a "live and let live" - philosphy and would generally try to not be dicks to others and not be enforcing their believes on others. Although this might be required in some situations, imo some believes, values and ethics are simply trash, but that's a story for another day. You are granted a super-human ability, what would you choose and how would you wield that power? I love fantasy, animes and most things we, sadly if probably for the best, won't ever be able to do. I could write paragraphs about how awesome it would be to be able to do magic, to teleport and bend reality. Most powers would probably not even be practical for a longer period of time or would simply get boring. The two powers I'd probably would love the most to have would be teleportation and mind-reading/telepathy. I dislike traveling to get from point A to point B, espacially if it's on a daily basis. Life would be so much easier if I could just teleport to work in an instant, instead spending the next half hour being in tram and walking. Also I love history, it would be so awesome to be able to instantly visit some interesting place or city I've read about without packing up and spending hours in transport. As already said I'm very curious. The one thing that bugs me the most is that I won't ever know what other people are thinking about, what kind of thoughts they have etc. And while that is a big moral dilemma and could ruin my life and the life of others I'd just love to look into the head of someone and get to know everything about them as a person, their thoughts and past experiences. However I'm afraid that I'd start to abuse that kind of power after a while, same as with teleportation. What is something that people do or value that you have a hard time comprehending why? I don't really get emotional people who blindly follow their impulses. I think many problems could be avoided if people would take at least 10 seconds to think about themselves and the situations they are in, instead of immediate action. It obviously depends on the situation, but mostly things get even worse by acting thoughtless. Obviously I myself sometimes act without thinking, I can have quite the temper in some situations, that was a problem especially when I was younger. That's the reason I'm not fond of very emotional people.
2019.05.29 23:07 AtWorkThrowAway1kLooking for people to chat to through the day!
Hello kind stranger that decided to click on this post! I'm 28/m and I'm looking for friends to talk to about anything and everything, I'm kind of introverted but given time I can be a very talkative person. I've been recently getting back into some old hobbies. Reading, playing music, watching anime, playing videogames. They used to bring me a lot of joy and for some reason I left them. Other interests are music in general, always down to add more music to my playlist. TV shows and movies, a partner to watch those would be welcomed! I also like sharing and receiving memes of any kind. I also am a good listener if you need someone to listen to whatever might be up with you. I've had some success using this sub to meet people, have 3 friends that I met here that I abolutely love. So... if you want to chat just send me a message, we can use reddit chat or discord!
2019.04.20 11:09 Amendon[32M] Virgin planning to join the Porn Industry (Long Story included)
First of all I'm sorry for the clckbait title but it's not a joke and i thought it would be an interesting topic to share my plans and thoughts about this topic, since I'm in the same Virgin boat as a lot of people in this sub. I'm a long time lurker that is actually interested in how the people feel and struggle with this topic. What wonders me is that most of the Virgins here seem to look for a partner or something meaningful, an emotional connection you could say. Well, thats not the case for me, I just want raw sex without any emotional bondings. Too understand this i will tell you a bit about myself and my past. I am and always was the confident male, so not the typical stereotype and also the reason why noone ever assumed i am a Virgin. I am also tall and well trained (bodybuilding/powerlifting for 7+ years) and most of the time at 8-12% bodyfat (actually 186cm @ 94kg @ 11%bf, going to shred for summer :D). My whole life i was that leader type of guy who protected the weak and because i was raised in an katholic family my ideals were always bounded with honor, justice and a romantic way of life. Back then my old self planned for his life to marry a Virgin in the future that he can love, getting kids with and obviously staying himself a Virgin until he finds the one. Well i think i don't need to mention that this disney fantasy didn't worked out well for me. At 20 my depression started (back then i didn't realised i was depressed). The fact that i always gave everything to others, and never got any positive returns were the initiator. Also the fact that i turned down at least 10 women, because they didn't were the "right one". At 26 i finaly realized i was depressed, because i didn't felt any emotions like joy, happiness, fun and so on, for example i laughed about a joke but didn't felt the feeling attached to it. Within the next years it got worse, because i was only capable of feeling sadness, pain and hopelessness. from 29 until 31 i was suicidial because the fact that my life only consisted of mental torture. At 32 i decided to kill myself because i couldn't handle the pressure and pain anymore, also since i was 31 i had panic attacks every second day, sometimes while i slept, sometimes at work. Imagine sleeping and then getting waked up by an emotional wave of sadness, cramping up like an Embryo, tremble on your full body, crying without control, while your heart feels like getting crushed. The attacks were about 10-15 minutes long but 2-3 times a week for a whole fucking year (until i got on my meds). About 6 months ago i decided to kill myself and i am a man of word, i always do what i say. But in that case it wasn't easy, since i have also an increadible survival instinct and my body won't give up on life as easy. The day i finally wanted to execute myself, my body lost the fight and i was ready to go. My brain then decided to make an last move to save me and I asked myself "What if I destroy the man i was for over 30 years. What if i destroy the feelings that hurt me, like love. What if i destroy any kind of morals and ideals i ever had. What if i start absolutely from 0, creating a new Person that i truly want to become." After i asked myself that question i thought about 1 hour if i should choose death or destroy my whole character. In the end i decided to do the latter (although it was a close decision). So at the End of 2018, i destroyed myself, it was the most painful thing i ever felt (for about 2 weeks). I cried literally everyday while destroying all my past, emotions, ideals, dreams, absolutely everything. After about 2 weeks i woke up and i felt... different. I felt like an different Person, still depressed and suicidial, but without any baggage of the past you could say. I felt good enough to change my life and start my journey from 0 again... at 32. First thing i did this year was talking to several psychotherapists, but all of them couldn't handle my eloquent and rational personality at all, so i gave up on searching one, since time is precious, especially if you already wasted the best time of your life. So i took the other route and searched for an psychiatrist and oh boy, i found a woman around ~60, an absolute professional, she was extremely intelligent and a rationalist like me. I told her my life story and she gave me some strong meds. First weeks i felt like shit, but after a month i felt like a new born man, of course i still didn't felt emotions like joy, love and so on, but for the first time since years i also didn't felt any pain and emotional torture. Also the panic attacks stopped! It was abolutely unbealievale! Since i have an positive mindset since then, i'm asking myself what can make me happy, what i truly want, and most importantly, who do I want to be (not who i should be for others like in the past). I came to the conclusion that i always was the exact opposite of what i was raised and believed in. I always had a high libido and had an dominant character (relatable to leadership i mentioned). I always loved sex in any form, especially rough and wild. Since sexuality is an huge part of my life and i wasted so much time in the past not living it out i decided to go all the way and shape my future around it. I am a realist. I always was attracted mostly to young girls from 16-22 years (16 is legal here btw). And that never changed at all, i just love young skin. Since i doubt that i can fuck 18 year old girls up to when I'm 50 the regular way (hookups, F+) i think porn industry is actually the best way to satisfy my needs. Escorts are too expensive, although i will visit one next month to finally begin my journey and get rid of the emotional baggage that accumulated over my whole fucking life. This will ensure that i will be more layed back if it comes to women. From there on i will shape my skills with ONS, F+ for some years, which is also cool since you can meet new friends that way also. I think at about 35 i will be ready to take the step and join Amateur Porn. I never had a problem with being naked in front of others or felt ashamed, this will be a fun experience though :D. I don't think i will make it to more then Amateur scene, but thats ok for me, since for me the sexual interaction is more important then the money anyways, also i can still work as personal trainer to fill that money gap. Thinking about that route of my life gave me an inner fire i never felt before, i have an clear plan now ahead of me, and for the first time of my life, it feels fucking right, literally everything. I don't know if this even belongs in this reddit or not, but i wanted to share an unconventional Virgin story compared to the most people here that just want a partner. I want to show you, that life isn't always as you planned it and that the things that make you happy are not always what you think! If there is a tip after my whole life of psychologial torture i can give you, it is "Think about who YOU want to be", not who you should be for others. Sometimes this question to yourself will reveal a truth that a lot of people never saw coming that way. I'm sorry that this story is so long, i just wanted to share how i personally will deal with my Virginity and that it won't affect my life in any way. Maybe i just wanted to show some of you, that Route A that 99% of people strive for is not the thing YOU truly want, because maybe you are like me, and realize after 32 years, that you never wanted to be the 99%, but the 1%. If you came that far, thanks for reading, feels free to ask me questions or comment, i love other peoples opinions. Also you guys can tell me if I should document my journey and share with you (things how i handled first sex, personal development etc). But i doubt people will be here forever, since my journey will take some years. Also i wish all of you a wonderful day, remember to never give up on yourself, theres nothing worse than losing yourself. if you need help or meds, get help, don't feel ashamed! You are worth it and you will make it. It is time now that YOU decide who you wanna be, i did it already, and i will never look back to who i was. Kind regards A future pervert :D
2017.07.23 11:40 SettrahI [27M] think about breaking up with my girlfriend [25F] and I absolutely hate myself for it. We have been together for seven years. She is going through severe therapy.
So I have no clue what to do, maybe you guys can give me some advice! My girlfriend and I met when we were nearly 20 and starting college. After a few dates we rushed into a relationship and we have been together since. We have been living together for four years now. She was always complicated. Hard to like by strangers, slow to make friends and very quick to lose them. It took years for my friends and family to actually take a liking for her, though now they all say they greatly value her. She has had major trouble with college and keeping simple jobs. Over the last five years we discovered the source of these problems: A heavy traumatic experience in her early youth has led her to be fearfull of others and with a terrible self-image. She started going through therapy (I don't know how to phrase it in English). First on a small scale, like one or two sessions a week, but that didn't really help. This year she started on a severe course. 4 full-day group-sessions each week for a period of nine months. She even had to sleep there for a few months. Now she is nearing the end of this course. She is in a rough spot, she has had open talks with her parents about her past for the first time. Though it is amazing she is taking these steps, it is ofcouse very exhausting for her. Never has she had trouble connecting with me though, which we both find remarkable (Note: this is not a case of borderline). I think we have a deep relationship, we know each other extremely well. She has always taken measures to ensure that my support with her problems does not derive in an uneven relationship, with me as sole caregiver and her as sole receiver. We have had several good talks with therapists about the impact of her problems on our relationship and me. I will be naming a few problems in our relationship below; but I want you to understand that do not blame her for anything and I am very proud of the stubborn way she keeps trying to improve. Lately it has become hard for me. I just am not having a good time with her anymore. She does not have any friends or hobbies, so our only way to spend time is watching shows on netflix, walking the dog or doing things around the house. Me, I have always had a group of close friends with who I like to share much about my life and with who I immensly enjoy spending time. We play games, go to town at night, and mostly just talk for hours. She doesn't want to do any of this. She has tried to fit in the group, but it just does not work. So I am forced to keep this parts of my life quite seperated, but I always felt this was ok. Lately it has become harder, I really don't enjoy spending time with her much anymore. I know it has to do with her current position in life, but I just don't feel much joy anymore. I always thought this is just a phase, when she is done with this severe course it will be better. Now I have fallen in love with another girl, a co-worker. It's terrible. I just can't stop thinking about her. Never in these seven years have I felt this way. I have always been loyal, never cheated or flirted excessivly, and I won't do that now. But this girl is so light-harted, so kind to all around her, she laughs so often. It really is like a mirror showing all that I miss. The girl does not know, and neither does my partner ofcouse. I don't know what to do. I don't really want to be in this relation anymore at this time. Maybe it will get better, but I have my doubts about that. The point is I just feel like such a dick. Here I am, loving partner, and at the moment she needs me most I think about other girls? I hate myself for it. The very thought of telling her breaks my heart. I still love her immensly and care so much for her well-being. She has no friends or close family, only me. If i quit she will be abolutely devastated, I even slightly fear suicide. So untill now I did nothing, but having fallen in love that option becomes increasingly unbearable. What should I do? Wait a few months so she has time to settle basic things in her life? Tell her now and just be honest and get it over with? Do nothing, swallow my feelings, and hope it gets better? I hope you have some advice for me, feel free to ask any questions and thanks for reading. tl;dr We have been together for seven years and she has severe problems and having therapy. I really love her but have some issues with te relationship. Now I have fallen in love, hate myself for it and don' know what to do.
2017.03.02 16:27 habeamusAs a first-time designer, here's a rundown of some things I encountered during the design process so far
A few days ago I was part of an article that went up on /boardgames about "What do you wish you had known when you started designing a game". In the comments, one user asked for a more in-depth discussion. It was suggested that my response could be interesting to other readers, so the following is my expanded answer from that comment thread. First of all, if you're interested in these kinds of things, there have been some AMAs recently with board game creators, and they go into very much detail on the things you're interested in: Mattox Shuler, Anthony Hanses, Joseph Butler, Travis Hancock (actually twice). There's also the boardgame designer AMA schedule. And finally, have a look in /tabletopgamedesign where many designers hang out. Alright, so for me here's a short overview:
Yes, my family name really is Spielmann, which is literally German for "Game man". There's no avoiding games with that name.
When we first started, it was just me and another guy and some talking. That was more than a year ago now, and we're not ready for publishing yet. Things take so much time. Mostly because you won't be doing this full-time, and there's so much other stuff that vies for time that that board game project will keep laying around at times.
We wrote down our first real rule set in Google Docs over Skype. Just wrote down the rules, opened a spreadsheet and wrote down the cards and values. That's all there was to it, simply let your creativity flow. Of course, at that point, you don't know whether you have a game or a wreck, or anything in between.
We then bought blank business cards. 1000 of them ran something like 20 € (and it was quite hilariously hard to get them, btw, we had to upload a blank PDF with the exact dimensions necessary to the printer, who then "printed" the cards for us).
Then we test-played. It was ok. Not great, but ok, and the core of it was already fun and exciting. The game was almost completely different from what it is now, and that's to be expected, I guess.
In all, we had something like 15 playtesting sessions, some longer and some shorter. We never tried the same game twice, always some tweaks were applied. Even in the latest playtests, we find stuff that needs to be changed. We're preparing for blind playtests (print-n-play with internet people, let me know if you want to do that!) and I expect that there will be some more changes necessary after that. These things take time, but don't cost anything, and playtesting is absolutely the most valuable thing you can do for a game.
There were so many things we had to take out. All those great ideas we had in the beginning we had to take out, all of the action cards, all the additional player interaction. All gone. The game is much better now, much leaner, but it was quite hard at times to kill our darlings.
Writing rules is hard! Even if you wrote down everything that is necessary, people will forget things, or do them differently, or plain not understand. There are more iterations of the rulebook than there are of the rules, many, many, many more.
Since we're going to self-publish, we needed an artist. It took us a year to find one, but we finally found her through a connection, looked at her DeviantArt profile, emailed her, called her, asked her to be our saviour and she agreed. The stuff she produces is great, but that also takes so many iterations. And there's so much of it that it takes ages to prepare all of it. At the moment, it doesn't cost us anything since she agreed to be a partner, and that's great. There are places where you can ask for art commission pricing if you want to know more. In all, I expect that a fair price for her work would be something between 5000 and 10000 €, but that depends heavily on the amount of artwork, the art style, the detail you need etc.
All in all, we are three people now: Simon (the co-designer), me and our artist, Katharina. Katharina is doing all of the artwork and she has her hands full with that. This leaves Simon and me to do all the rest: development (mostly finished), manufacture (ongoing), marketing (uhhh), Kickstartering (not started), distribution (we're going to mostly outsource that one), presentation (conventions, Messe Essen), ...
Production is a hard one. Many quotes in the original article and on here point that out. There are so many different suppliers and different options for each part of your game that it's just horrendous. Will we go with cardboard tokens, or wooden ones, or poker chips, or metal coins? How about if we combine X with Y, will that change anything? Each of these questions turns into another RFQ (request for quote), taking two or three weeks. Lesson here is this: Don't trust KS campaigns that don't have production figured out and detailed in their campaign!
And as a publisher, you can expect to get around 33% of the sales price of retail sales (more in online sales, much more in direct sales), out of which all of the production and manufacture (and advertising and development and ...) must come. That's one of the biggest reasons why Kickstarter is so attractive: you get a much larger portion of the proceeds. We're looking at producing about 1000-1500 units, and it'll cost us somewhere between 12.000 and 20.000 € to do so. I can't go into more detail, since that stuff is under NDA.
Downside of Kickstarter is that you have to sell the game yourself, and that stuff is hard. It means finding people who are interested and keeping them interested, so far that they're willing to part with their money for your game. It's the thing that's our largest road block, and we don't know how we're going to find all these people. If anyone has ideas, I'm very open! Of course, you can throw money at it, buy Google Ads or BGG ads, and that'll work, that's something we'll need to do, but it's another financial risk you're taking. And it's not cheap either. And who knows whether it'll work?
Another big thing is test play copies and review copies. The first prototypes are all homemade and that's good. But once you go into blind playtesting, you'll have to figure out what copies these players can play. So you either make more, create a PnP or order print-on-demand copies. Each has its advantages and disadvantages. You need different amounts of artwork for each and different amounts of diligence and different amounts of money. While PnP is great for long distances, you'll have to find people willing to make a copy of your game. Value these people, they are precious and will give you great insights. At some point you'll have to order review copies. I dread the price that's going to cost us. I expect to pay about retail price of the game for each copy, and I expect that we'll need between 10 and 20. So somewhere between 300 and 800 €.
Finding reviewers is also something you must do. I've found two reviewers that have agreed to play my game already, but I assume we'll need more. Youtubers are also important, and I don't know how to reach them, yet. So another thing to figure out.
It's great fun, but it's just as much work and stress.
Let's do a simple calculation: 1500 units at 30 € each is 45.000 €. That is the abolute most amount of money we can make out of the whole project, if we get everything for free. Split three ways that's 15.000 € each, for about two years of work. Not a sustainable amount. Don't do it for the money if you're not going with a publisher, or if you're not planning to have huge success. In our calculations we end up with about 2000-3000 € each. And, of course, our names on a game and the great amount of fun we get out of it.
Ok, well, that was a bit of a wall of text. Let me know where I should go into more detail, but let's not turn it into an AMA! =)
2016.10.24 18:49 StopdoinitwrongReptilian brain is right
Husband and I are supposed to work on talking about sex per our therapist which I said was a terrible idea to do outside of therapy because it's too emotionally charged for us to talk about without a third party. So far I've been 100% right. Now after some so-so sex this morning, he wanted to talk about his desires some more and said that he "should be selfish about sex" and that he "just wants me to take care of him" and to "enjoy doing it." So...you want to be a selfish prick who gets sex that is only about you, or better yet HJs and BJs where I love it like some sort of porn star not because I actually enjoy IT but because I enjoy "taking care of you." Look, asshole, I'm not your mother. Taking care of you is not my job. I used to actually enjoy giving you all that until you started acting like an entitled POS because it was fun, not because I like taking care of you. And let's not forget that six or so years ago, the problem with our sex life from your perspective was that I enjoyed sex too much, although it caused the same problem for you, that I enjoyed it too much to care whether you were enjoying it. On top of this I've realized he may be a good dad and an okay husband but he is not only a shitty partner but a shitty person, and if I was dating around I certainly wouldn't date him for long. He used to be a sweet generous guy when we were kids, but he has grown into a selfish jerk who only does nice things because he "should" or because he wants something, not just because it's nice, and then bitches incessantly about having done that nice thing. I'm a pretty altruistic person so this shit just makes me both sad and rabidly irritated. Plus, he never makes an effort to try to understand and accept others. As in, if you piss him off or worse inconvenience him, you are a terrible person, not just a different person. Like when he went to help our friends move and they were disorganized (because a) they're laid back people and b) they're pretty young) this threw him into an abolute hissy fit about what terrible people they are. Please forgive the word vomit. I'm just really struggling to continue wanting to work on this marriage. We are in therapy, but I just hate all this work for nothing. Edit: my individual therapist admitted to me that the three therapists--his individual, my individual, our couples--have agreed that nothing is going to change, so "it's time to work on acceptance." Or rejection as in divorce, but that therapy has hit a dead-end. FML. Edit edit: and now I'm sitting at a bar at the bottom of a cocktail waiting for a glass of wine while contemplating my options and trying not to start sobbing. Sigh.
2016.10.21 06:55 x-soldierside-xI made a rough playlist for the RvB soundtrack.
Just something I made on my phone for commutes. I'm still a bit iffy on the order of Season 12. Feel free to tweak it. Season 12 is pretty much the same, except Showdown and Unified are switched.
Season 1 1 intro 2 Blood Gulch Blues 3 Vale Deah Season 2 4 ~~no one~~ 5 Superhero 6 (617) 7 Punch it! 8 Steady Ride (Gun Metal Green) 9 A Girl Named Tex Season 3 10 Noobs Rush In 11 Alien Champion Season 4 12 No One Season 5 13 Return 14 Blood Gulch Blues (Bloody Mix) 15 Colors Season 5.5 16 Good Fight Season 6 17 Big Prize 18 Routine King 19 Saline 20 (When) Your Middle Name is Danger 21 First Wave Season 7 22 Keep Moving Season 8 23 I am the best 24 Agent Tex (Instrumental) 25 Rally 26 The Pelican Has Landed 27 Revelation Suite Ost Version 28 Plagam Extremam Infligere 29 Prelude 30 Ice Fight 31 Return 32 Epilogue 33 Red Vs Blue Ost Version Season 9 34 Intro 35 The Terrible Demise of Coffee Man 36 Extraction (feat. Casey Lee Williams) 37 Pelican Reveal 38 Pelican Escape 39 Round 1 / Bullfight 40 On Your Knees (feat. Sandy Casey & Lamar Hall) 41 Maniacs 42 Planning the Heist 43 Pelican Cruise / Infiltration 44 Sharkface / Rooftop 45 Falling Towards the Sky (feat. Lamar Hall & Casey Lee Williams) 46 Hell's Angel 47 Spiral 48 Delta Birth 49 Kill the Director 50 Can't Trust Anybody Now Season 10 51 worst lockpicker ever 52 terminate feat lamar hall 53 space battle 54 terrify 55 heroic entrance 56 c.t. 57 debris field 58 the darkness of c.t. 59 land of enemies 60 ouch 61 mental meta militia 62 mystery blue guy 63 pray 64 forever 65 daydream no 19 66 faraway 67 training room showdown 68 message from C.t. 69 Suit up/partner in crime 70 outpost sunset 71 fragments 72 your catch 73 twins 74 tex vs tank 75 ballet breakup 76 freelancer implosion 77 fifty 78 100 tex battle 79 bloody mary mix 80 finding the director 81 First Wave 82 Now the We've come so far Season 11 83 Relay Intro 84 Manticore Blues 85 Schemer 86 Reverie Six (and charge) 87 Third wave 88 Contact Season 12 89 Radio Check 90 Reconnoiterish 91 Crossfire Rag 92 Hit and Run 93 Finger Pushups 94 Soul Clef XI Redux 95 Funny Farm 96 Saltine 97 Control 98 Colony Ride for Sale, Cheap 99 Mjsd 100 New Horizon 101 blue leader 102 July 103 all or nothing 104 prancing bull 105 Chorus 106 Link 107 Relay (Epistolary) 108 Half Life Season 13 109 Faraday 110 Arrival 111 Steel 112 Hostile Person 113 People Person 114 Recruitment 115 Abolute Control 116 Remnants 117 Motivations 118 Temple 119 Gateway 120 Ancient Gifts 121 Hello Again 122 (Always) A Trap 123 The Summit 124 Soldiers and Killers 125 Avalanche 126 The Second Sword 127 Overlook 128 Reconcilable DIfferences 129 Chorus Exit 130 Round 2 131 Armory 132 Rematch 133 Bullet Train 134 Over 135 In Spite Of Fear 136 What we Fight For 137 Showdown 138 Unified 139 Fatum Iustum Stultorum I 140 Fatum Iustum Stultorum II 141 Ex Ill Focus 142 Prelude for losers 143 Partners 144 Dear Everyone 145 Reparation 146 Prelude to Victory 147 Contact (Final Transmission) 148 Armonia (Fear. Orville Johnson) 149 Contact Redux
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