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I accepted abuse as love because of how I was raised

2020.09.24 21:41 12HLEO I accepted abuse as love because of how I was raised

Hi everyone Reason for sharing my experience is cause honestly if it weren't for me googling random questions about my relationships and my behaviors/patterns/emotions and being redirected to reddit and finding people to relate to then I would've probably gone insane by now.
My N-mother and I have a very complicated relationship. While she and my dad have done everything in their power to make sure my sister and I grow up in a house, on the countryside and with manners, they sadly completely disregarded the emotional aspects of raising children. I do understand where this is coming from; My mom and dad both grew up with N-Parents; yet I have a hard time dealing with especially my moms ignorance when it comes to her actions. She says she has worked on herself very hard so she's not like her mom, sadly, the older she gets the more similar she becomes, without realizing it. My sister and I are both emotional wrecks. For years we have been depressed and whenever we've expressed said feelings we were labeled LAZY, disrespectful and ungrateful. Honestly, we used to be dream children. We were great in school, very polite and did whatever our parents expected from us. We barely fought, are very well behaved and they never had REAL problems with us. Yet my sister and I grew up thinking we're the abolute worst human beings ever, ugly, stupid, always making trouble, ungrateful and just all in all pieces of shit. My mom used to nag all day long about little shit that never really mattered. Like a little WATER STAIN on the bathroom mirror or some shit like that. I remember her once slapping my little sister so hard OVER A MARK (Swiss System worst1-6best; 4,5) she started bleeding from the nose and while my mom kept screaming I made sure she's safe and cleaned her up. We were like 10 and 13. So both of us grew up thinking we're not enough and basically unable to do the right thing. Both anxious and depressed we wandered out into the world. And while at home everything was played "fine" both of us knew we had to get out.
When I turned 19 I met a guy who was 1.5y younger than me. We instantly clicked and after a week I already felt like this was the love of my life and so did he. 3 months in the fassade he put on started to tumble down and he started treating me quite badly. And here's where it gets real fucking interesting: I accepted however I was treated because I felt I deserved all this. I felt like I had to work on myself SO MUCH, had such little trust in myself that I felt like he had to be right, every nag and insult is justified. Additionally I felt like I had nowhere to go back to. We were on and off for the coming 2 years and I just kept running back to the same man who emotionally, verbally and physically abused me over and over again, more intensely time by time. He played mind games, was gaslighting me, held a knife to my throat, threatened to kill me multiple times, spat in my face and ripped my sweater off my chest. I accepted. I forgave. Without getting any type of apology. It's what I knew. I have a blackout of most of the time I spent in the relationship, I guess that's a trauma respone or some shit but anyways, after 2.5y the fog finally cleared up and I saw the situation for what it was: The way I was raised led me to believe I deserved to be treated like shit. It made me the perfect target. The way I was raised and the "love" I received from my mother was exactly what I was unconsciously looking for in a partner. It's what I understood love to be. So that's what I accepted. I have to admit from this point on dealing with my issues felt rather relieving than anything else. I was relieved that I finally understood what I was going through, what I can do about it and that I'm certainly not alone. I always loved bettering myself as this felt like the road to PEACE, yet when I look back it was more some sort of "people-pleasing" which hasn't gotten me far. When I left my ex tho, it felt different. I went back to my parent's house and at first they were just happy that I finally left this dude. So they left me alone for a few days. At this point I was no longer trying to please no one, actually, I stopped giving a shit altogether and started my self-love journey. A lot of meditation, self hypnosis and isolation. It started to get rocky 2 weeks in when my mom was already used to me being back in the house, started nagging again and I started having anger issues. One fight ended with my sister and I getting kicked out because I beat my mom. Hear me out We had an argument, she provoked me and when I snapped she said I deserved everything I went through with my ex, that she understands why he treated me this way and that I'm a worthless piece of shit. I lost it. I completely lost it, kicked her (not hard.) to the ground and as she started whining I couldn't help but just walk away. I knew where it was coming from but I simply couldn't help bursting out in flames (Leo/Leo) when I heard said words. This still hurts to this day. The woman who set me up for an abusive relationship telling me I deserved everything I went through. This really killed every ounce of respect I had for this woman.
I've since learned to deal with this somehow, I smoke a lotta weed, have been smoking everyday for 5yrs straight and somehow I function pretty well again.
She's still nagging and provoking me whenever she feels unhappy somehow, so basically projecting her bullshit on to me, but I learned to deal with it. I still get loud after I tell her to leave me alone nicely 10 times in a row. But I get better at it everyday.
I currently find myself in a very loving relationship with a very understanding and amazing person who really shows me, every single day, what truly loving someone means. He teaches me the most simple things but I am so deeply grateful for his patience and love. The first 3 months felt very uncomfortable. Alotta memories creeping up and I almost sabotaged the relationship until I told myself to completely cut cords with past energies. He doesn't know much about what I went through yet just because it's really hard for me to speak on my past bc people never give me the ear I need. He still tries his absolute best to understand me and respects me enough to not put any pressure on me.
Today she completely embarrassed me in front of him and I'm just glad that he saw through her lies and understands me.
The next step will be moving out. I just want you to know you can do this. I wanted to kms multiple times cause the hurt was too bad. But here I am. I hope someone finally heard me out by reading this.
submitted by 12HLEO to narcissisticparents [link] [comments]

2020.08.20 04:18 BladeStudios I Watched Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. for the First Time (Season 7)

Welcome everybody to my reactions and review of the final season of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.!
Click these links if you'd like to read my thoughts on Seasons 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6.
Before heading into Season 7, I was told by multiple people that I should watch Agent Carter, so I did! Seasons 1 and 2.
We're finally here. It's the end of AoS. Some of you have been watching since 2013 and others are like me that hopped on at the very end. It's been a ride and I got some thoughts on this final season and the show overall! Let's get into it!
  1. Real-time, Episode-by-Episode Thoughts
  2. Quick Character Thoughts
  3. Final Thoughts
  4. Ranking Every Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season
  5. The Very Best of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

SPOILERS for Season 7 are included in this post without censorship. Do not scroll down if you haven't watched it yet.

"As I have always been."
Real-time, Episode-by-Episode Thoughts

"The New Deal" - Episode 1

"Know Your Onions" - Episode 2

"Alien Commies from the Future!" - Episode 3

"Out of the Past" - Episode 4

"A Trout in the Milk" - Episode 5

"Adapt or Die" - Episode 6

"The Totally Excellent Adventures of Mack and The D" - Episode 7

"After, Before" - Episode 8

"As I Have Always Been" - Episode 9

"Stolen" - Episode 10

"Brand New Day" - Episode 11

For the final 2 episodes, I was able to participate in the live discussions over on shield**. That's not really crucial information when it comes to this post, but the comments I made over there are more instant reactions, so if you're interested in that, they're over there.**

"The End Is at Hand" - Episode 12

"What We're Fighting For" - Episode 13

Quick Character Thoughts
Final Thoughts
This is my favorite season of the show. Apart from small things like the lack of Coulson and May's relationship, all of the characters were at their apex this season, and the plot and settings were on point. I abolutely adore this season.
Again, it's crazy how Season 5 was supposed to be their last. The last 2 seasons has been their best, for me at least. I somehow now like Daisy and Yo-Yo! If this show ended at Season 5, that would not be the case whatsoever.
This show has been incredible and I'm beating myself up for waiting so long to watch it, but on the other hand, it was cool to go through it all and not have to wait.
Ranking Every Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Season
7 > 6 > 4 > 3 > 1 > 2 > 5
The Very Best of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
I thought that since it's the end of the show, and I've been doing these posts as I've gone through the series, I'd do some "highlights" or "best moments" from each season. The links to each respective season is at the top of this post if you want to go deeper into my thoughts and reactions.
Best Moment: The whole Hydra takeover was amazing.
Favorite Characters: Fitzsimmons
Best Episode: "End of the Beginning"
Best Moment: Coulson being revealed as the person behind T.A.H.I.T.I. was wild!
Favorite Characters: Fitzsimmons and Melinda May
Best Episode: "Who You Really Are"
Best Moment: Spy's Goodbye
Favorite Characters: Phil Coulson, Bobbi and Hunter & Fitzsimmons
Best Episodes: "Closure" and "Parting Shot"
Best Moment: When Aida and the team leave the Framework and she has feelings and powers and just causes chaos.
Favorite Characters: Aida/Madame Hydra, Fitzsimmons & Coulson and May
Best Episode: "Self Control" and "World's End"
Best Moment: Fitzsimmons' wedding and Coulson & May in Tahiti
Favorite Characters: Hunter, Fitzsimmons
Best Episodes: "Rewind" and "Rise and Shine"
Best Moment: Fitz/Enoch and Daisy/Jemma in "Fear and Loathing on the Planet of Kitson" was amazing. Izel taking over the team's bodies in "Leap" was amazing as well!
Favorite Characters: Daisy, Fitzsimmons, and Deke
Best Episodes: "Fear and Loathing on the Planet of Kitson", "Inescapable" and "Leap"
Best Moments: Everything
Favorite Characters: Everyone
Best Episodes: All of them
Thank you guys for welcoming me with open arms upon my very late arrival to the fandom. It's been a blast posting these and am glad that you've enjoyed them.
"All right. Here's to us, who's like us, damn few."
submitted by BladeStudios to marvelstudios [link] [comments]

2020.01.29 05:54 Mr_BluePants13 My Top Mario and Luigi Games

So first I'll start by saying that I haven't played Paper Jam, so I don't really have an opinion on the game; and also, I think I'm like 1/3 of the way with Partners In Time and so far I love the game. Al right, to the list! 3- Superstar Saga: This is not a game I dislike, I abolutely love it, soundtrack, artstyle, story, it's lovely (finished the remake, got halfway through with the og before my copy got busted). However, honestly I felt it was a bit short and some parts with combat felt a tad tidious, specially in Bowletta's Castle. 2- Bowsers Inside Story: What an increible game, honestly my pros would be the same, amazing music, an even better Story and writting, my only gripe would be that I had a problem and got stuck in some parts. 1- Dream Team: It May come as a surprise to some so let me explain. Yeah I heard the criticism, too long, tedious tutorials and what not, bit honestly I absolutely love this game to pieces, imo this has probably the best soundtrack of the series, great character, and the whole dream mechanic I fell in love with. Oh and also the way they portray Luigi is my favorite next to Luigi's Mansion, and also the way they show his deeper relationship with Mario. So that was my list, what do you guys think? And of you want you can post YOUR list down bellow.
submitted by Mr_BluePants13 to marioandluigi [link] [comments]

2019.12.08 14:57 TheViktory Trial me

I'm very much interested in anything that might help me get a better insight about personality, motivation etc. of myself and other people, so naturally I'm a big fan of the colour pie! Very curious what I'll get from you guys. Please also keep in my that my first language isn't english, so if you find any mistakes you are free to keep them.
As I'm someone who usually spends to much time thinking and planing a text, I decided to try to focus on the things that come to my mind first. But I doubt that'll save us all from a wall of text.
Edit: I'm amazed how I managed to make everything so long and detailed again.

What can you tell us about your goals and dreams? What motivates you to pursue them and how exactly do you do it? What is keeping you breathing?
I believe my greatest goal is to have a comfortable but also meaningful life. I'm a rather lazy person with hedonistic tendencies, but I believe that I have to work and improve myself to be able sustain my wish and need for pleasure and fun, while also not having a monotonic and boring life.
My biggest motivation is that if I won't constantly push myself out of my comfort zone, I'll stay in the status quo I'm in right now. And while it's not a bad life, it can be so much more. Kinda sounds very ambitious, it's not like I'm pushing myself very much every day, it's mostly small steps into the right direction that I'm taking.
While it sounds a little bit edgy, I think life itself keeps me breathing. I've only one life and I want to make the best of it while also being able to live it like I want to.
Tell us a little bit about yourself and your personality. How do you act, and what is important to you aside your goals?
I'm probably not nearly as ambitious as I sounded in the top part heh. While I believe that there is only one way in life, forward, I'm not some disciplined improvement machine, but I believe that a person should always strive to improve oneself. I'd say that because of that I'm rather critical of myself and down to earth, being aware of my many flaws. I try to ask friends and colleagues from time to time for honest criticism, because only so I can truly notice my mistakes.
Overall I'd describe myself as a fun and interesting guy, though I've the feeling one might think I'm kinda boring after reading this wall of text hehe. I abolutely love humour, especially witty jokes and horrible puns. I enjoy spending time with friends, going out (though I'm not much of a clubber) gaming, watching movies and series and so on, the usual hobbies nowadays. I'm a very curious person (often too nosy for my own well being), motivated by knowledge for the sake of knowledge itself and getting better at understanding the world and it's phenomens, people etc.
I'd describe myself as an ambivert, though I'm trying to get out of myself and become more extroverted. Deep down I'm a selfish person, I struggled years to accept this fact about me, when anything happens my first thoughts are about my own well-being and interests. I'm also not the most empathic person, not a block of ice either, but this doesn't mean ofc that I'm an asshole or bad person (I hope at least hehe), I obviously care about friends, loved ones and people that I like and I enjoy helping them. Egoistic Altruism is a philosphy I enjoy very much.
I asked a friend of mine to describe me in a few sentences: "You're a very direct person, who tries his best to be empathic. You've an opinion on every topic but you enjoy listening to opposing views and are trying to understand them."
What are you looking for in a partner or friend? Which is to say, what aspects of humanity do you value the most about humanity?
Mostly I'm looking for a partner who is compatible to me and with whom I could build a meaningful relationship. I could ofc write a whole paragraph about how I imagine my perfect girlfriend, but in the end it's very unlikely that I will find someone who will fit all of my preferences. Because of that I think the most important aspects for me would be that the person would be willing to fully commit to a stable relationship, would put work into it and be ready for compromises for the good of the relationship.
What I value most about humanity, is that while life is suffering in many different shades and facets, people still find the energy and time to do great and benevolent things. Even though I'm not a big believer in the innate goodness of people (I'm rather distrustful to be honest), social justice and living your own life for others, I believe the world could be a better place if people would at least try to understand that other people see the world differently than they do, would adopt a "live and let live" - philosphy and would generally try to not be dicks to others and not be enforcing their believes on others. Although this might be required in some situations, imo some believes, values and ethics are simply trash, but that's a story for another day.
You are granted a super-human ability, what would you choose and how would you wield that power?
I love fantasy, animes and most things we, sadly if probably for the best, won't ever be able to do. I could write paragraphs about how awesome it would be to be able to do magic, to teleport and bend reality. Most powers would probably not even be practical for a longer period of time or would simply get boring.
The two powers I'd probably would love the most to have would be teleportation and mind-reading/telepathy.
I dislike traveling to get from point A to point B, espacially if it's on a daily basis. Life would be so much easier if I could just teleport to work in an instant, instead spending the next half hour being in tram and walking. Also I love history, it would be so awesome to be able to instantly visit some interesting place or city I've read about without packing up and spending hours in transport.
As already said I'm very curious. The one thing that bugs me the most is that I won't ever know what other people are thinking about, what kind of thoughts they have etc. And while that is a big moral dilemma and could ruin my life and the life of others I'd just love to look into the head of someone and get to know everything about them as a person, their thoughts and past experiences. However I'm afraid that I'd start to abuse that kind of power after a while, same as with teleportation.
What is something that people do or value that you have a hard time comprehending why?
I don't really get emotional people who blindly follow their impulses. I think many problems could be avoided if people would take at least 10 seconds to think about themselves and the situations they are in, instead of immediate action. It obviously depends on the situation, but mostly things get even worse by acting thoughtless. Obviously I myself sometimes act without thinking, I can have quite the temper in some situations, that was a problem especially when I was younger. That's the reason I'm not fond of very emotional people.
submitted by TheViktory to colorpie [link] [comments]

2019.05.29 23:07 AtWorkThrowAway1k Looking for people to chat to through the day!

Hello kind stranger that decided to click on this post!
I'm 28/m and I'm looking for friends to talk to about anything and everything, I'm kind of introverted but given time I can be a very talkative person. I've been recently getting back into some old hobbies. Reading, playing music, watching anime, playing videogames. They used to bring me a lot of joy and for some reason I left them. Other interests are music in general, always down to add more music to my playlist. TV shows and movies, a partner to watch those would be welcomed!
I also like sharing and receiving memes of any kind. I also am a good listener if you need someone to listen to whatever might be up with you. I've had some success using this sub to meet people, have 3 friends that I met here that I abolutely love.
So... if you want to chat just send me a message, we can use reddit chat or discord!
submitted by AtWorkThrowAway1k to Needafriend [link] [comments]

2019.04.20 11:09 Amendon [32M] Virgin planning to join the Porn Industry (Long Story included)

First of all I'm sorry for the clckbait title but it's not a joke and i thought it would be an interesting topic to share my plans and thoughts about this topic, since I'm in the same Virgin boat as a lot of people in this sub.

I'm a long time lurker that is actually interested in how the people feel and struggle with this topic. What wonders me is that most of the Virgins here seem to look for a partner or something meaningful, an emotional connection you could say. Well, thats not the case for me, I just want raw sex without any emotional bondings. Too understand this i will tell you a bit about myself and my past.

I am and always was the confident male, so not the typical stereotype and also the reason why noone ever assumed i am a Virgin. I am also tall and well trained (bodybuilding/powerlifting for 7+ years) and most of the time at 8-12% bodyfat (actually 186cm @ 94kg @ 11%bf, going to shred for summer :D).

My whole life i was that leader type of guy who protected the weak and because i was raised in an katholic family my ideals were always bounded with honor, justice and a romantic way of life. Back then my old self planned for his life to marry a Virgin in the future that he can love, getting kids with and obviously staying himself a Virgin until he finds the one.

Well i think i don't need to mention that this disney fantasy didn't worked out well for me. At 20 my depression started (back then i didn't realised i was depressed). The fact that i always gave everything to others, and never got any positive returns were the initiator. Also the fact that i turned down at least 10 women, because they didn't were the "right one". At 26 i finaly realized i was depressed, because i didn't felt any emotions like joy, happiness, fun and so on, for example i laughed about a joke but didn't felt the feeling attached to it.

Within the next years it got worse, because i was only capable of feeling sadness, pain and hopelessness. from 29 until 31 i was suicidial because the fact that my life only consisted of mental torture. At 32 i decided to kill myself because i couldn't handle the pressure and pain anymore, also since i was 31 i had panic attacks every second day, sometimes while i slept, sometimes at work. Imagine sleeping and then getting waked up by an emotional wave of sadness, cramping up like an Embryo, tremble on your full body, crying without control, while your heart feels like getting crushed. The attacks were about 10-15 minutes long but 2-3 times a week for a whole fucking year (until i got on my meds).

About 6 months ago i decided to kill myself and i am a man of word, i always do what i say. But in that case it wasn't easy, since i have also an increadible survival instinct and my body won't give up on life as easy. The day i finally wanted to execute myself, my body lost the fight and i was ready to go. My brain then decided to make an last move to save me and I asked myself "What if I destroy the man i was for over 30 years. What if i destroy the feelings that hurt me, like love. What if i destroy any kind of morals and ideals i ever had. What if i start absolutely from 0, creating a new Person that i truly want to become." After i asked myself that question i thought about 1 hour if i should choose death or destroy my whole character. In the end i decided to do the latter (although it was a close decision).

So at the End of 2018, i destroyed myself, it was the most painful thing i ever felt (for about 2 weeks). I cried literally everyday while destroying all my past, emotions, ideals, dreams, absolutely everything. After about 2 weeks i woke up and i felt... different. I felt like an different Person, still depressed and suicidial, but without any baggage of the past you could say. I felt good enough to change my life and start my journey from 0 again... at 32.

First thing i did this year was talking to several psychotherapists, but all of them couldn't handle my eloquent and rational personality at all, so i gave up on searching one, since time is precious, especially if you already wasted the best time of your life. So i took the other route and searched for an psychiatrist and oh boy, i found a woman around ~60, an absolute professional, she was extremely intelligent and a rationalist like me. I told her my life story and she gave me some strong meds.

First weeks i felt like shit, but after a month i felt like a new born man, of course i still didn't felt emotions like joy, love and so on, but for the first time since years i also didn't felt any pain and emotional torture. Also the panic attacks stopped! It was abolutely unbealievale! Since i have an positive mindset since then, i'm asking myself what can make me happy, what i truly want, and most importantly, who do I want to be (not who i should be for others like in the past).

I came to the conclusion that i always was the exact opposite of what i was raised and believed in. I always had a high libido and had an dominant character (relatable to leadership i mentioned). I always loved sex in any form, especially rough and wild. Since sexuality is an huge part of my life and i wasted so much time in the past not living it out i decided to go all the way and shape my future around it.

I am a realist. I always was attracted mostly to young girls from 16-22 years (16 is legal here btw). And that never changed at all, i just love young skin. Since i doubt that i can fuck 18 year old girls up to when I'm 50 the regular way (hookups, F+) i think porn industry is actually the best way to satisfy my needs. Escorts are too expensive, although i will visit one next month to finally begin my journey and get rid of the emotional baggage that accumulated over my whole fucking life. This will ensure that i will be more layed back if it comes to women. From there on i will shape my skills with ONS, F+ for some years, which is also cool since you can meet new friends that way also.

I think at about 35 i will be ready to take the step and join Amateur Porn. I never had a problem with being naked in front of others or felt ashamed, this will be a fun experience though :D. I don't think i will make it to more then Amateur scene, but thats ok for me, since for me the sexual interaction is more important then the money anyways, also i can still work as personal trainer to fill that money gap.

Thinking about that route of my life gave me an inner fire i never felt before, i have an clear plan now ahead of me, and for the first time of my life, it feels fucking right, literally everything. I don't know if this even belongs in this reddit or not, but i wanted to share an unconventional Virgin story compared to the most people here that just want a partner. I want to show you, that life isn't always as you planned it and that the things that make you happy are not always what you think! If there is a tip after my whole life of psychologial torture i can give you, it is "Think about who YOU want to be", not who you should be for others. Sometimes this question to yourself will reveal a truth that a lot of people never saw coming that way.

I'm sorry that this story is so long, i just wanted to share how i personally will deal with my Virginity and that it won't affect my life in any way. Maybe i just wanted to show some of you, that Route A that 99% of people strive for is not the thing YOU truly want, because maybe you are like me, and realize after 32 years, that you never wanted to be the 99%, but the 1%.

If you came that far, thanks for reading, feels free to ask me questions or comment, i love other peoples opinions. Also you guys can tell me if I should document my journey and share with you (things how i handled first sex, personal development etc). But i doubt people will be here forever, since my journey will take some years.

Also i wish all of you a wonderful day, remember to never give up on yourself, theres nothing worse than losing yourself. if you need help or meds, get help, don't feel ashamed! You are worth it and you will make it. It is time now that YOU decide who you wanna be, i did it already, and i will never look back to who i was.

Kind regards

A future pervert :D
submitted by Amendon to virgin [link] [comments]

2017.07.23 11:40 Settrah I [27M] think about breaking up with my girlfriend [25F] and I absolutely hate myself for it. We have been together for seven years. She is going through severe therapy.

So I have no clue what to do, maybe you guys can give me some advice!
My girlfriend and I met when we were nearly 20 and starting college. After a few dates we rushed into a relationship and we have been together since. We have been living together for four years now.
She was always complicated. Hard to like by strangers, slow to make friends and very quick to lose them. It took years for my friends and family to actually take a liking for her, though now they all say they greatly value her. She has had major trouble with college and keeping simple jobs. Over the last five years we discovered the source of these problems: A heavy traumatic experience in her early youth has led her to be fearfull of others and with a terrible self-image. She started going through therapy (I don't know how to phrase it in English). First on a small scale, like one or two sessions a week, but that didn't really help. This year she started on a severe course. 4 full-day group-sessions each week for a period of nine months. She even had to sleep there for a few months. Now she is nearing the end of this course. She is in a rough spot, she has had open talks with her parents about her past for the first time. Though it is amazing she is taking these steps, it is ofcouse very exhausting for her.
Never has she had trouble connecting with me though, which we both find remarkable (Note: this is not a case of borderline). I think we have a deep relationship, we know each other extremely well. She has always taken measures to ensure that my support with her problems does not derive in an uneven relationship, with me as sole caregiver and her as sole receiver. We have had several good talks with therapists about the impact of her problems on our relationship and me. I will be naming a few problems in our relationship below; but I want you to understand that do not blame her for anything and I am very proud of the stubborn way she keeps trying to improve.
Lately it has become hard for me. I just am not having a good time with her anymore. She does not have any friends or hobbies, so our only way to spend time is watching shows on netflix, walking the dog or doing things around the house. Me, I have always had a group of close friends with who I like to share much about my life and with who I immensly enjoy spending time. We play games, go to town at night, and mostly just talk for hours. She doesn't want to do any of this. She has tried to fit in the group, but it just does not work. So I am forced to keep this parts of my life quite seperated, but I always felt this was ok. Lately it has become harder, I really don't enjoy spending time with her much anymore. I know it has to do with her current position in life, but I just don't feel much joy anymore. I always thought this is just a phase, when she is done with this severe course it will be better.
Now I have fallen in love with another girl, a co-worker. It's terrible. I just can't stop thinking about her. Never in these seven years have I felt this way. I have always been loyal, never cheated or flirted excessivly, and I won't do that now. But this girl is so light-harted, so kind to all around her, she laughs so often. It really is like a mirror showing all that I miss. The girl does not know, and neither does my partner ofcouse.
I don't know what to do. I don't really want to be in this relation anymore at this time. Maybe it will get better, but I have my doubts about that. The point is I just feel like such a dick. Here I am, loving partner, and at the moment she needs me most I think about other girls? I hate myself for it. The very thought of telling her breaks my heart. I still love her immensly and care so much for her well-being. She has no friends or close family, only me. If i quit she will be abolutely devastated, I even slightly fear suicide. So untill now I did nothing, but having fallen in love that option becomes increasingly unbearable.
What should I do? Wait a few months so she has time to settle basic things in her life? Tell her now and just be honest and get it over with? Do nothing, swallow my feelings, and hope it gets better?
I hope you have some advice for me, feel free to ask any questions and thanks for reading.
tl;dr We have been together for seven years and she has severe problems and having therapy. I really love her but have some issues with te relationship. Now I have fallen in love, hate myself for it and don' know what to do.
submitted by Settrah to relationships [link] [comments]

2017.03.02 16:27 habeamus As a first-time designer, here's a rundown of some things I encountered during the design process so far

A few days ago I was part of an article that went up on /boardgames about "What do you wish you had known when you started designing a game". In the comments, one user asked for a more in-depth discussion. It was suggested that my response could be interesting to other readers, so the following is my expanded answer from that comment thread.
First of all, if you're interested in these kinds of things, there have been some AMAs recently with board game creators, and they go into very much detail on the things you're interested in: Mattox Shuler, Anthony Hanses, Joseph Butler, Travis Hancock (actually twice). There's also the boardgame designer AMA schedule. And finally, have a look in /tabletopgamedesign where many designers hang out.
Alright, so for me here's a short overview:
Ok, well, that was a bit of a wall of text. Let me know where I should go into more detail, but let's not turn it into an AMA! =)
submitted by habeamus to boardgames [link] [comments]

2016.10.24 18:49 Stopdoinitwrong Reptilian brain is right

Husband and I are supposed to work on talking about sex per our therapist which I said was a terrible idea to do outside of therapy because it's too emotionally charged for us to talk about without a third party. So far I've been 100% right. Now after some so-so sex this morning, he wanted to talk about his desires some more and said that he "should be selfish about sex" and that he "just wants me to take care of him" and to "enjoy doing it." So...you want to be a selfish prick who gets sex that is only about you, or better yet HJs and BJs where I love it like some sort of porn star not because I actually enjoy IT but because I enjoy "taking care of you." Look, asshole, I'm not your mother. Taking care of you is not my job. I used to actually enjoy giving you all that until you started acting like an entitled POS because it was fun, not because I like taking care of you. And let's not forget that six or so years ago, the problem with our sex life from your perspective was that I enjoyed sex too much, although it caused the same problem for you, that I enjoyed it too much to care whether you were enjoying it. On top of this I've realized he may be a good dad and an okay husband but he is not only a shitty partner but a shitty person, and if I was dating around I certainly wouldn't date him for long. He used to be a sweet generous guy when we were kids, but he has grown into a selfish jerk who only does nice things because he "should" or because he wants something, not just because it's nice, and then bitches incessantly about having done that nice thing. I'm a pretty altruistic person so this shit just makes me both sad and rabidly irritated. Plus, he never makes an effort to try to understand and accept others. As in, if you piss him off or worse inconvenience him, you are a terrible person, not just a different person. Like when he went to help our friends move and they were disorganized (because a) they're laid back people and b) they're pretty young) this threw him into an abolute hissy fit about what terrible people they are. Please forgive the word vomit. I'm just really struggling to continue wanting to work on this marriage. We are in therapy, but I just hate all this work for nothing. Edit: my individual therapist admitted to me that the three therapists--his individual, my individual, our couples--have agreed that nothing is going to change, so "it's time to work on acceptance." Or rejection as in divorce, but that therapy has hit a dead-end. FML. Edit edit: and now I'm sitting at a bar at the bottom of a cocktail waiting for a glass of wine while contemplating my options and trying not to start sobbing. Sigh.
submitted by Stopdoinitwrong to breakingmom [link] [comments]

2016.10.21 06:55 x-soldierside-x I made a rough playlist for the RvB soundtrack.

Just something I made on my phone for commutes. I'm still a bit iffy on the order of Season 12. Feel free to tweak it. Season 12 is pretty much the same, except Showdown and Unified are switched.
Season 1 1 intro 2 Blood Gulch Blues 3 Vale Deah Season 2 4 ~~no one~~ 5 Superhero 6 (617) 7 Punch it! 8 Steady Ride (Gun Metal Green) 9 A Girl Named Tex Season 3 10 Noobs Rush In 11 Alien Champion Season 4 12 No One Season 5 13 Return 14 Blood Gulch Blues (Bloody Mix) 15 Colors Season 5.5 16 Good Fight Season 6 17 Big Prize 18 Routine King 19 Saline 20 (When) Your Middle Name is Danger 21 First Wave Season 7 22 Keep Moving Season 8 23 I am the best 24 Agent Tex (Instrumental) 25 Rally 26 The Pelican Has Landed 27 Revelation Suite Ost Version 28 Plagam Extremam Infligere 29 Prelude 30 Ice Fight 31 Return 32 Epilogue 33 Red Vs Blue Ost Version Season 9 34 Intro 35 The Terrible Demise of Coffee Man 36 Extraction (feat. Casey Lee Williams) 37 Pelican Reveal 38 Pelican Escape 39 Round 1 / Bullfight 40 On Your Knees (feat. Sandy Casey & Lamar Hall) 41 Maniacs 42 Planning the Heist 43 Pelican Cruise / Infiltration 44 Sharkface / Rooftop 45 Falling Towards the Sky (feat. Lamar Hall & Casey Lee Williams) 46 Hell's Angel 47 Spiral 48 Delta Birth 49 Kill the Director 50 Can't Trust Anybody Now Season 10 51 worst lockpicker ever 52 terminate feat lamar hall 53 space battle 54 terrify 55 heroic entrance 56 c.t. 57 debris field 58 the darkness of c.t. 59 land of enemies 60 ouch 61 mental meta militia 62 mystery blue guy 63 pray 64 forever 65 daydream no 19 66 faraway 67 training room showdown 68 message from C.t. 69 Suit up/partner in crime 70 outpost sunset 71 fragments 72 your catch 73 twins 74 tex vs tank 75 ballet breakup 76 freelancer implosion 77 fifty 78 100 tex battle 79 bloody mary mix 80 finding the director 81 First Wave 82 Now the We've come so far Season 11 83 Relay Intro 84 Manticore Blues 85 Schemer 86 Reverie Six (and charge) 87 Third wave 88 Contact Season 12 89 Radio Check 90 Reconnoiterish 91 Crossfire Rag 92 Hit and Run 93 Finger Pushups 94 Soul Clef XI Redux 95 Funny Farm 96 Saltine 97 Control 98 Colony Ride for Sale, Cheap 99 Mjsd 100 New Horizon 101 blue leader 102 July 103 all or nothing 104 prancing bull 105 Chorus 106 Link 107 Relay (Epistolary) 108 Half Life Season 13 109 Faraday 110 Arrival 111 Steel 112 Hostile Person 113 People Person 114 Recruitment 115 Abolute Control 116 Remnants 117 Motivations 118 Temple 119 Gateway 120 Ancient Gifts 121 Hello Again 122 (Always) A Trap 123 The Summit 124 Soldiers and Killers 125 Avalanche 126 The Second Sword 127 Overlook 128 Reconcilable DIfferences 129 Chorus Exit 130 Round 2 131 Armory 132 Rematch 133 Bullet Train 134 Over 135 In Spite Of Fear 136 What we Fight For 137 Showdown 138 Unified 139 Fatum Iustum Stultorum I 140 Fatum Iustum Stultorum II 141 Ex Ill Focus 142 Prelude for losers 143 Partners 144 Dear Everyone 145 Reparation 146 Prelude to Victory 147 Contact (Final Transmission) 148 Armonia (Fear. Orville Johnson) 149 Contact Redux 
submitted by x-soldierside-x to RedvsBlue [link] [comments]

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